So I am going to Florida in three days for my grandpa's 80th birthday party and a small family reunion, and all of you who talk with me on a semi-regular basis know this is a bit of a big deal because the whole family is worried about being judged by everyone else. It's a little ridic. Then, while talking with my brother on Sunday about my family's various fears, Allan mentioned my mom had complained (somewhat jokingly I can only assume) about how she has nothing to brag about because Allan and I aren't married and don't have children or important careers. This got me feeling (really what doesn't).
I suppose if you were to look at my life from outside (right where you might be sitting) I suppose my life could look unenviable. I am almost 30 and unmarried. I am not even in a relationship. I work at an administrative job that I plan to someday leave, but haven't yet decided for what. I rent. I live with a roommate (albeit an awesome one). I don't own a car. I'm fat. I have a lot of debt. I cry all the time. I have panic attacks cause the world is so sad. To be honest sometimes when I look at other people's lives, I too think mine looks unenviable.
Well, sort of.
Well, sort of.
It's strange how I only thought now that my mother wouldn't have anything about which to brag. Because when I think of my life, I feel proud. And there are things I want, but today, walking my bike down the road in the sunshine with Elizabeth, shooting the shit and sweating profusely... well, I think that's a pretty good life there. And maybe I don't technically have a physical thing or person or job about which my mom can brag, but I do have quite a bit of joy that I have worked very hard to obtain. And maybe that doesn't sound like a lot to people who have spouses and children and cars and houses, but here, inside myself, it is an overflowing cup of awesome.