Friday, July 22, 2011

My Two Moms: Engagement Photos

Well, friends, I'm pretty sure if I died tomorrow I'd die happy because I have seen that which I have been waiting to see my whole life. Well, at least the past year. Okay, the past 2 months.

Diane and Heather's Engagement Pictures.

Oh yes. 

This morning, on a hellishly hot morning in Boston, I received an email from Momma H that the pictures were on her photographer's website, and that I. COULD. LOOK. AT. THEM. You can only imagine how I squealed with joy. On the bus. People stared. NBD.

I would like to discuss the following with you all in regards to these photos.

1) GENIUS Photographer
2) Heather's Make-up a la Kate The Awesome
3) Converse Sneakers
4) Diane's Most Glorious Smiling Face
5) Their love

Clearly, this woman captured Diane and Heather's VERY SOULS on camera. I think that everyone who has a wedding should hire her and pay her $1 million dollars. To be honest I want to have a "Deb isn't Engaged" photo shoot, where I just pick a location and have her take pictures of me being me--you know, journaling, crying, hugging strangers and friends, eating hamburgers, dancing, more crying, taking naps, perusing facebook, sitting at my desk, sitting at my desk crying, sitting at my desk looking at Dee and H's engagement photos online and crying, sitting at my desk blogging and crying etc.--just so that I can hang out with her and have her take photographs OF MY SOUL. Duh.

2) Heather's Make-Up a la Kate the Awesome
Kate and I have met only a few times. But our love was sealed at Bridal Bridal this past Saturday when we had a bow bouquet making contest. I'm pretty sure she won. Cause she is awesome.

Look at her there. Being all awesome.

Anywho, Kate did Heather's make-up, and it. is. awesome. Awesome awesome awesome awesome. 

Kate. Awesome.

3) Converse Sneakers

You all know of my OBSESSIVE love of Converse sneakers. And my slightly obsessive love of Dee and H. And my slightly obsessive love for this woman.

Katy could win awards for most glorious face. But back to the point.
Converse Sneakers.

Please note how awesome Dee's legs are. I've been telling her for years that they are hot and now, here on my blog, there is photographic evidence. It seems that Sandra is even awesome at capturing the VERY SOUL of Diane's awesome legs. Bravo Sandra!!!

4) Diane's Most Glorious Smiling Face

The Out/Down/Tilt changes lives ONCE AGAIN.

5) Their Love

I hope everyone in the world gets to have love like Dee and H do. And I think everyone in the world who doesn't get to be friends with Dee and H and be loved by them should be a little jealous of those of us who do. And though to some my enthusiasm for their love might seem over-zealous (it even feels that way to me most of the time), I believe it comes from a good place. Because they are so lucky to have each other. 

And I feel lucky to have them.

11-11-11 or bust!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Brightly Colored Anything

So last night, I left my faithful pink Klean Kanteen water bottle at the Somerville Theatre. Dee went and looked for it where I left it, and Soul Twin is looking for it again tonight, but I have a habit of losing things with finality, and so I am worried it is gone forever.

I found it in a rehearsal space at Tanglewood, ran it through the dishwasher and VOILA! A new old waterbottle for Deborah. I actually did this once with a teal Nalgene I found in a park on my way to the grocery store. This is unsurprising as when I was little I used to eat candy off the ground. And not candy that I had dropped. Just candy. That I found. On the ground.

There is a SLIGHT chance that my pink waterbottle is actually in my bag at home. I literally collapsed when I got home last night, falling asleep next to a large pile of stuff on my bed and had to rush to leave the house this morning since I slept through my alarm. But I should have a back up waterbottle anyhow.

Enter my new friend:

It. Is. So. Glorious. It has the sun shining. It has a green bird flying. It has sheep with squiggly lines grazing. It has a house with a funny chimney. A Yellow sun. It has a tree house in a weird teal tree with branches that look like snakes. Come on. THIS. WATERBOTTLE. IS. AMAZING.

I have named my waterbottle Beatrice.

Now of course, I was drawn to Beatrice because she is brightly colored. I would now like to discuss all the other wonderful things in the world that are brightly colored.

My new tissue box

When I saw this box of tissues at CVS I knew we were meant to be.

Penny Hansen. Just in general.

She is like bright pink. But a person.

Prince Sparkles con Carne

He is a nice bright yellow. But mostly I love this picture. I won Prince Sparkles con Carne at Dave and Busters in Providence, Rhode Island. Prince Sparkles con Carne had crooked eyes. In this photo I was trying to make my eyes look crooked like Print Sparkles con Carne's. Clearly, I succeeded.

This Dog

Okay. So he is TECHNICALLY not brightly colored. But the other day, while standing outside the stage door at the Somerville Theatre, this poofy dream walked by. And he had the nicest dog parents ever. His name was Kogee. Kudos. Koleander. I don't remember. But I got to kneel down and scratch his poofy back and kiss his poofy face and DIE OF JOY A LITTLE BIT INSIDE.


le fin

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Drop Dead Diva

So months ago dear friend Leah recommended the TV show Drop Dead Diva. Now I think Leah is pretty effing smart, so, though I wanted to trust her opinion, the show had intrinsically many strikes against it: 1) It's on Lifetime. Blech. 2) The premise of the show is this: Deb is an aspiring model who dies in a car accident. In the afterlife, she tenaciously presses a button on the computer of the heaven agent registering her, sending her back to earth where she inhabits the body of Jane, a size 16 lawyer with a tragic wardrobe, flat hair and (GOD FORBID) a center part. And though I am familiar with this idea considering that my mother oftentimes uses the phrases "thin self" and "true self" interchangeably, it was not an idea I would ever condone. 3) Did I mention it's on lifetime?

But the show continues to surprise me. As a disclaimer, it is pretty terribly written. As a result I can't tell if the rather sub-par acting is a result of the bad writing or is just bad acting. There are some ridiculous fat stereotypes (shots of easy cheese calm Jane during more stressful cases; she is constantly eating donuts and pizza etc.). So basically, the show is not brilliant (a la HUGE) but it is... well, something else.

In the first season they deal with fat politics (Jane/Deb struggles with the idea that the word "fat" isn't an insult but a descriptive phrase) and with the difficulties of being fat in a thin world (Jane is shunned at a bar by a woman who used to be a friend because she is fat; she sues a designer clothing store because they don't carry her size). But as I near the end of the second season the show has become, in my mind, about fat visibility.

Fat people in entertainment are, more often than not, the best friend. Or, a la Bridesmaids (which, no lie, was super funny), their sexuality is meant to be a joke (isn't it HILARIOUS that a fat woman would assume men are attracted to her?). But in Drop Dead Diva Jane is just doing her thing. She is a fat woman who drinks girly martinis, wears beautiful clothes, buys new lipstick, paints her toenails, wears stilettos, has cute clothes. She sings and dances (Brooke Elliot is KIND of an amazing singer). She debates what to wear on dates, she goes on dates, she goes shopping for cute clothes, she has sex, and it is not a joke. She is a size 16 woman doing things that ALL WOMEN DO. It is so refreshing. 

And though I don't necessarily think this show is a wholely adquate representation of what it is to be a fat person in the world, I love the ideal it presents. That maybe, someday, we will learn that we can't really know A SINGLE THING about another human being by looking at them EXCEPT what they look like.

Lastly, I love Drop Dead Diva because for a TOO BRIEF series of episodes, Jane is dating this man:

I call him "Hot Tony."

Don't tell Zac Galafinakis, but David Denman is my new boyfriend. You might remember him as this man:

Oh, Roy. I know you were KIND OF a misogynistic jerkwad on The Office, but when you grew that beard WHOOEY did you steal my heart.


So. Dreamy.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Deb is Cranky

This is a bad news/good news sitch (as in situation, in case you aren't familiar with abbreviations that didn't make it onto this blog post).

Bad News: Things Deb DOESN'T LOVE

1) The motion sensors in my office

Seriously. Who thought it would be a good idea to put a motion sensor into an office where ONE PERSON SITS AT A DESK ALL DAY TYPING?

2) My intimacy bras

Yes, they make my boobs look great. But I DREAD putting them on in the morning because they are so freaking uncomfortable. If I wanted to be stabbed constantly by stays or rubbed raw by lace I would wear a corset. And hopefully if I was wearing a corset I would be doing something more fun than SITTING AT MY DESK WAVING MY ARMS TRYING TO GET THE FREAKING MOTION SENSOR TO NOTICE I AM HERE.

3) My schedule

I want to quit everything. When I look at my calendar for the month of July I want to vomit all over myself. I would like to take a vacation for a minimum of 6 weeks. I would like to spend those 6 weeks at a beach resort, drinking cold, sparkling water and getting a tan. I would also like my Besties to accompany me. I would like there to never be inclement weather at said beach resort. Only sunshine.The End.

Good News: Things Deb DOES, in fact, LOVE

1) My Polka Dot sweater

I look like a Dalmatian. I wish people would pet me.

2) Weekends

Not going to work is the balls.

3) Sleeping in

Not that I would know as I NEVER GET TO DO IT.


I would like to end on the following note:


Thursday, July 7, 2011

Things Deb Wants: Part 2

This dress makes me want to throw up I want it so much. I wish I had a friend who was my size so that I could make her buy it and then force her to lend it to me for an indeterminate amount of time. Like forever. And yes, I'm aware that's what a normal person would call a "gift."

I saw this tasty gem while in target with my Pamplemouse moms and aunt. Does it matter that I already have a coffee maker? No. No, it doesn't. I want this one. I want to keep it in my room. I don't even need to use it to make coffee. I just want to look at it. And sometimes carress it for it is so beautiful.

I also want a big, squashy arm chair to put in my room. Like a huge one. What's that you say? I don't have room for one? Well, I'd make room. Or I'd get rid of my bed.

But I will forgo purchasing all these things because I need this

So boring. But necessary. 

I wonder if they make night guards in turquoise...

I may or may not be calling my dentist right now.