Monday, August 16, 2010

So Tired...

Today, I worked ALL DAY. No time for blogging my friends, so my list for today is brief and does not include photos. 

1) Not wearing a bra.

I am jealous of every woman in the world who can not wear a bra in public and not get slapped in the face by her own breasts as she walks down the street. 

2) Not having to go to work tomorrow.

Here's the schedule. 


A lot.

3) The part in School of Rock

Where one of Jack Black's colleagues asks him, "Am I pronouncing that right? Scheebly?"

And Jack Black says, "Actually, it's Schnayblay."

I laugh aloud every time.

The End.

The Weekend Edition: August 14-15, 2010

Olive, Mona, Deuce, Lulu and Carter

Okay, so this past weekend I was in the Berkshires with my glorious friends, Dee and Heather. And though there were lots of things to love about this weekend (i.e. Dee and Heather, Leslie, Claudia, brunch with my peops, laying on a blanket under a big tree in the sunshine, walking around the aforementioned big tree trying to find some ground flat enough to do a forearm balance, eating dinner at the Dreamaway, sitting by the fire at the Dreamaway, and singing rufus at the top of my lungs while sticking my head out the window of Dee and Heather's car) the part of the weekend I would like to highlight, is that part where I pet dogs. Lots of dogs.

Meet Olive. 

Olive is a French Bulldog. Olive comes to work with her mommy who is the manager of the store on the first floor of my former office building. Olive has pointy ears and snorts when she gets excited.

We played fetch with Olive's teal and pink toy. Clearly, Olive has very good taste in toys. 

Meet Mona.

Mona. Has. Three. Legs. I have never in my life wanted anything more than a three-legged dog. Not to mention Mona is the size of small horse. She also does not beg for attention. She purposely sits away from everyone and waits for you to come to her. And you will. Because she is a three-legged horse dog with poofy, white fur.


Meet Deuce.

This is Deuce with Heather. He is a MAN dog. With a bandana around his neck. Deuce appreciates good accessories. 

I've decided Deuce is my perfect man, but he is a dog. He is large and hairy (ESPECIALLY his chest) and slightly stupid, which means I would be smarter which I 'm okay with. On occassion, I am a fan of being intellectually superior to dogs and men.

Dog Hand.

Meet Lulu.

I knelt down to pet Lulu and ended up cuddling with her for 10 minutes. It was probably the best 10 minutes of my life.

Meet Carter.

Carter is the dog who lives at the Dreamaway Lodge. I fed him a potato chip from Dee's plate so that he would let me pet him for longer. It didn't work. He took my potato chip and abandoned me. I only cried for a couple minutes. I soothed myself with Meatloaf and a Brownie sundae.

Did you know I love Dogs? Cause I do. If I had to make a comprehensive list of things that I love it would go like this:

1) People I love (you know... Dad, Mom etc.)
2) Dogs
3) My bed
4) Ricotta Pie

That is all.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Just one more thing...

Sassy Gay Friend, My Soul Twin and The New England Aquarium Penguin Advertisements

1. Sassy Gay Friend

I do not remember the specific moment when I discovered Sassy Gay Friend. But to be honest I don't need to. Because I don't WANT to remember my life before Sassy Gay Friend.


"But really, he made vaginas too small, and he's looking for a scapegoat."

2. My Soul Twin

So yes, except for the fact that we both have brown hair and are caucasian we don't really look alike at all, but being a soul twin isn't about LOOKING a certain way. Oh no. Being a soul twin is about 3 things.

1. Feelings.
2. Hugs.
3. The Mirror Has Two Faces.

First, Feelings.

NO ONE but Sara would understand the sadness I felt at having no beer left in my glass. It was deep profound sadness. Because there was NO MORE BEER in my glass.

Sara is a very dramatic opera singer. She is so devoted to our soul-twindom that she will only play characters who have more feelings than ALL THE OTHER CHARACTERS ON STAGE COMBINED. In this picture, Sara is playing a delirious Margherita, who is in prison. Her tormentors have made up stories in order to driver her mad, saying she drowned her baby and poisined her mother, and she cannot figure out if she actually did these things or not. 

Now, THOSE are some feelings. Bravo, Soul Twin.

Lust is also a feeling. Hells YES, Cardboard Jacob!

Why, God, WHY did we come to running of the brides? WHY did we subject ourselves to the throngs of selfish, cheap women trying to find discounted designer bridal gowns? Why are there women sitting on virtual MOUNTAINS of wedding dresses, when we, two kind and lovely heteros, have none? Sadness THY NAME IS FILENES.

Second, Hugs.

Enthusiastic Hug!

Reluctant Hug.


Suffocating Hug.

Third, The Mirror Has Two Faces

Before my soul twin was my soul twin she had another soul twin (a soul twin-in-law, if you will): the great and glorious, Gretchen!! It was with this glorious person that my soul twin first came to understand the third and final chapter of our long-lasting soul-twindom.

 I like this picture because Gretchen looks like she should be on ANTM. I think if a mirror really had two faces, these two glorious faces would be the ones any person would want to see. DONE.

The Mirror Has Two Faces, starring Barbara Streisand and Jeff Bridges, is one of the best movies known to mankind. I know almost the whole thing by heart. Little did I know when I moved to Boston that I would find someone who loved that movie as I did. But this is what it MEANS to be a soul twin. In fact, 

If we were soul twins in Germany, it would look like this:

Or if we were soul twins in Espana:

Or if we were soul twins in La France:

I hope you now all have an idea of the glory that is my soul twin. It's okay if you are jealous.

3. The New England Aquarium Penguin Advertisements

The New England Aquarium has recently started a new round of advertisements for their penguin exhibit.

I have wanted a penguin for a pet for quite sometime. When I go to the aquarium I am always tempted to try to steal one because they are just so charming. And I read Mr. Popper's Penguins when I was a kid, so I would know how to install a door in my freezer so my penguin pet could get in and out. The last time I went to the aquarium, I saw two penguins mating. This was strange. Mostly because those penguins were getting more action than me. That seemed rather unfair.

This is Plum Pudding. He's the "bad boy." I love that his name is Plum Pudding. Everytime I think about Plum Pudding I want to laugh. Apparently, not only can you be a badass with a name like Plum Pudding, but you can also be a badass when you are a penguin.

Lillico is the high maintenance penguin. I like to imagine that she will only eat fish from the hands of the most attractive penguin handlers. Cause she's that fancy.

Roast Beef is my favorite penguin because he is the Don Giovanni of penguins, and I always had a thing for Don Giovanni. And his name is Roast Beef. I think the handlers at the New England Aquarium should get awards for their awesome penguin names.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Asian Babies, The Common Dog Shuttle Bus and My Sparkly Blue Converse

1. Asian Babies

All babies are cute. But some babies are just cuter than others. It's a biological fact. Asian Babies are cuter. As a side note, I would like to dedicate Love #1 today to Leslie Diane DeRoche, who is moving to China come March, and to Diane and Heather, because they are the best two moms an Asian Baby ever had.

It's a baby in a burger. I. Want. One. A baby and a burger. But mostly a burger. From Friendly's. Cause their meat is shaped like a flower.

This baby is really cute, but I am now obsessed with the idea of a burger.

Oh yeah.

1. (Amended) Asian Babies and Burgers

2. The Common Dog Shuttle Bus

Many moons ago, I was riding the 39 bus down Boylston Street, when we stopped at a stoplight. I looked out the window only to see a white school bus. But instead of children in the seat, there were dogs. Oh, yes. A bus FULL of dogs. I thought, for a moment I was dreaming. Until two days later, same time, same bus, I saw it again. I noticed that on the side of the bus it said "The Common Dog", so I immediately rushed to work to google this glorious company and see if they would hire me as the bus driver of the dog bus. They, unfortunately, were not taking applications at the time, but a girl can dream.

This is what I saw while looking out the bus window. What joy! What bliss!

This is what I like to imagine it looks like on the inside of the bus. Look at the sleepy boxer in the front. He says, "I'm not a morning person." And the little black and white dog says, "Let's cuddle!" And the golden retriever in the second row says, "Where we going? Somewhere fun? OH GOD I HOPE IT'S SOMEWHERE FUN!!!!" And the weimaraner is saying, "Why do so many crazies take public transportation? I need to buy a car." And then the little beagle in the third row says, "I don't WANNA go to school. I want to stay home and play with my MOMMY." Oh little beagle. I feel your pain.

3. My Sparkly Blue Converse

These are my favorite pair of shoes ever. They make me feel super cool when I am wearing them because not only are they chucks, which are bitchin to begin with, but they are also sparkly. Today, as I am feeling rather downtrodden, I am choosing to go on a photographic walk down memory lane, so I can relive all the adventures my sparkly chucks and I have had, and hopefully boost my mood.

This is me and my sparkly chucks doing a jig at the Arcade Fire concert. We loved the Arcade Fire concert, my chucks and me. Not only did we do this jig while waiting for the concert to begin, but we also danced the night away to the oh-so-glorious musics of the Arcade Fire. We even cried a couple times, and held each other. Sometimes, my chucks and I are a little co-dependent.

This is when me and my chucks spent some much-needed cuddle time with Haimisch Zimmerpants at Meryl's most genius of surprise birthday party celebrations on the roof top deck of a bar by Fenway. We had a very good time. We drank beer. We ate Nachos. My chucks love Nachos. We played Birthday Trivia. It was a great time all around. As we were going to sleep, my chucks said, "I wish everyday could be as glorious as today." To which I responded, "Me too, little shoes. Me too."

All right, so this is not a very good picture of me. I am a sweaty beast, and am mid-dance move so it looks like my breasts are trying to escape from my dress, but look at those sparkles! We really tore up the dance floor at Natalie's wedding. My chucks favorite dance was the Pas-de-Deux to Boom-Boom-Pow (called thus by the glorious Sara Oettinger). 

I also wore my sparkly chucks to walk around downtown and then watch Moonstruck at the Charles Hotel with my dear friend Erica Bateserson. This was the day of days for sure. My chucks really like Moonstruck. Sometimes I'll come home and find them sitting in front of the TV watching it. This is very strange for me, as I'm not sure how they figured out how to work the DVD Player.

I can't wait for all the other adventures my sparkly converse and I will have. For they are magical. Like a magic wand, but shoes. And sparkly.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Nimbus, Children's Lunchboxes and Natalie Nayler and Christina Rogers

1. Nimbus 

Nimbus Macleod is a cat. He is big and poofy and when you see him walking from behind it looks like he is wearing hairy pants. He also likes to hang out in paper bags. He is the cutest cat who ever was (except Polly) and is kind of my cat boyfriend.

2. Children's Lunchboxes

 Why would you want to carry your lunch in this...

when you could carry it in this...

or this...

or this...

or even this...


3. Natalie Nayler (formerly Polito) and Christina Rogers (soon to be Christina Rogers Wouters)

Just today I bought tickets for my dear friend Natalie and I to go to our dear friend Christina's wedding next month. I am super excited to not only celebrate Christina beginning her new life with such an awesome dude as Jared, but to party with Natalie. 

My number one favorite memory with Natalie and Christina is when the three of us went to see Kurt Elling at the Doubletree hotel in Cambridge. He was amazing. And SUPER hot. And we took a picture with him. Christina took the picture, which is why she is not in it. I like to think of this day as the first time I ever had DOCUMENTED sexual stirrings. Kurt Elling, you might be short and a little swarmy, but I like what you got going on.

Then Natalie and I had a VERY INTERESTING walk to Central square. And a VERY NERVOUS bus ride down Mass Ave. And then some VERY SPECIAL bonding time at her apartment. If you wish to know more you must ask me in person. This tale is not appropriate for the internet.

 This is a picture from Natalie's wedding. Natalie, as you might have guessed, is the one in the white dress. Christina is in the colorful shirt on the far right. She is doing me a favor by holding the wedding program over my cleavage. Sometimes it gets a little intense.

Gorgeousness incarnate thy name is Natalie.

I love this picture. Cause being in love is clearly awesome. Especially when you are as awesome as Christina and Jared.

Christina and Natalie are GLORIOUS. The End.