I do not remember the specific moment when I discovered Sassy Gay Friend. But to be honest I don't need to. Because I don't WANT to remember my life before Sassy Gay Friend.
"SAVE IT, PATTY HEARST."
"But really, he made vaginas too small, and he's looking for a scapegoat."
2. My Soul Twin
So yes, except for the fact that we both have brown hair and are caucasian we don't really look alike at all, but being a soul twin isn't about LOOKING a certain way. Oh no. Being a soul twin is about 3 things.
3. The Mirror Has Two Faces.
NO ONE but Sara would understand the sadness I felt at having no beer left in my glass. It was deep profound sadness. Because there was NO MORE BEER in my glass.
Sara is a very dramatic opera singer. She is so devoted to our soul-twindom that she will only play characters who have more feelings than ALL THE OTHER CHARACTERS ON STAGE COMBINED. In this picture, Sara is playing a delirious Margherita, who is in prison. Her tormentors have made up stories in order to driver her mad, saying she drowned her baby and poisined her mother, and she cannot figure out if she actually did these things or not.
Now, THOSE are some feelings. Bravo, Soul Twin.
Lust is also a feeling. Hells YES, Cardboard Jacob!
Why, God, WHY did we come to running of the brides? WHY did we subject ourselves to the throngs of selfish, cheap women trying to find discounted designer bridal gowns? Why are there women sitting on virtual MOUNTAINS of wedding dresses, when we, two kind and lovely heteros, have none? Sadness THY NAME IS FILENES.
Third, The Mirror Has Two Faces
Before my soul twin was my soul twin she had another soul twin (a soul twin-in-law, if you will): the great and glorious, Gretchen!! It was with this glorious person that my soul twin first came to understand the third and final chapter of our long-lasting soul-twindom.
I like this picture because Gretchen looks like she should be on ANTM. I think if a mirror really had two faces, these two glorious faces would be the ones any person would want to see. DONE.
The Mirror Has Two Faces, starring Barbara Streisand and Jeff Bridges, is one of the best movies known to mankind. I know almost the whole thing by heart. Little did I know when I moved to Boston that I would find someone who loved that movie as I did. But this is what it MEANS to be a soul twin. In fact,
If we were soul twins in Germany, it would look like this:
Or if we were soul twins in Espana:
Or if we were soul twins in La France:
I hope you now all have an idea of the glory that is my soul twin. It's okay if you are jealous.
3. The New England Aquarium Penguin Advertisements
The New England Aquarium has recently started a new round of advertisements for their penguin exhibit.
I have wanted a penguin for a pet for quite sometime. When I go to the aquarium I am always tempted to try to steal one because they are just so charming. And I read Mr. Popper's Penguins when I was a kid, so I would know how to install a door in my freezer so my penguin pet could get in and out. The last time I went to the aquarium, I saw two penguins mating. This was strange. Mostly because those penguins were getting more action than me. That seemed rather unfair.
This is Plum Pudding. He's the "bad boy." I love that his name is Plum Pudding. Everytime I think about Plum Pudding I want to laugh. Apparently, not only can you be a badass with a name like Plum Pudding, but you can also be a badass when you are a penguin.
Lillico is the high maintenance penguin. I like to imagine that she will only eat fish from the hands of the most attractive penguin handlers. Cause she's that fancy.
Roast Beef is my favorite penguin because he is the Don Giovanni of penguins, and I always had a thing for Don Giovanni. And his name is Roast Beef. I think the handlers at the New England Aquarium should get awards for their awesome penguin names.