Friday, February 10, 2012

Things Deb Doesn't Love: Valentine's Day

Well, next week is Valentine's Day, and I feel that, as a single person, I am supposed to feel one of two things:

1) Bitterness. I am supposed to go to events called, "F*CK VALENTINE'S DAY AND F*CK LOVE AND F*CK YOU." Cause that sounds like a whole bunch of fun. Getting together with some strangers so we can share in some perceived common loneliness? Um, thanks, but no thanks.

2) Hopeful Longing. Maybe SOMEDAY I too will be able to have a partner so that I can celebrate this COMPLETELY ARBITRARY holiday invented by Big Business so that we, the consumers, will BUY MORE SHIT.

Wow. With two such great choices, February 14th must be every single person's favorite day.

But let's be real y'all.

I know I try to come off as somewhat worldly when it comes to men and singleness and marriage and all that jazz, but the fact of the matter is, OF COURSE, I want to be in a relationship. Connectivity is one of the most wonderful things about being human.

But the fact is Valentine's Day is balls. BALLS. I apologize to all my relationshiped and married friends who I might be about to offend, but it is really and truly BALLS.

TRUTH: It isn't a real holiday. It used to be a nice little day for British people to exchange cards made from ribbons and doilies. And then some dude was like, "Hey, what if I made greeting cards and people bought them," and so people did. And then some other dude was like, "Hey, chocolates go great with cards! Maybe people will buy that too!" And so they did. And then the diamond industry was like, "Hey, let's take a break from being douches and get in on this Valentine's Day crap because MAYBE if people will buy cards and chocolates they'll also buy diamonds." And, surprise, they did. Then there are clothing companies selling lingerie, restaurants racking up their prices, party stores covered in hearts. Are we seeing a common thread here? Consumption. The fat cats got together and decided to make Valentine's Day a thing so people would BUY. MORE. SHIT.

Friends, here is my advice on how to stick it to Big Business on this oh so ridiculous of "holidays."

Relationshiped and Marrieds: Love your significant other and appreciate them EVERY DAY OF THE FREAKING YEAR. Buy them gifts because you want to, whenever you want to, not because some lamesauce executive is encouraging you to. Gaze into their eyes across a candlelit dinner on March 5, because that sounds like just as good of a day on which to do it as February 14.

Singles: Resist the urge to 1) feel sorry for yourself. 2) feel bitter towards your friends in relationships. I think of singleness in the same way I think about fatness. It's a thing. Learn how to exist in it because fighting it is pointless and lame and will lead to inevitable discontent and accepting it will help you find joy and hope in tangible things and then... well, you'll have joy and hope.

TRUTH: There are worse things in the world than being alone. There are better things in the world than being married. The world is a complicated place, and the human spirit is resilient and diverse. Give yourself a break and don't let Big Business dictate how you feel about your life, good or bad.

And, for better or worse, that is my oversimplified opinion on that.


  1. We don't celebrate Valentine's Day. Shock of life, I know. We also don't exchange birthday or Christmas presents. Take that, Corporate America!

  2. I hate hate hate hate hate Valentine's Day. I think it's stupid. Always have, always will.

  3. Amen! Before Brian I was always in camp #2. And as soon as I met him I realized how silly Valentine's day actually is.