Monday, October 18, 2010


Real people drink coffee. People who have jobs and contribute to society. People who don't have trouble waking up before the sun comes up. People who know how to change tires and fix the dryer. People who don't giggle at the work "caulk." People who really just like flavored milk drink lattes. People who like to waste money going to Starbucks, Peets or City Feed and purchasing a $4 drink, they drink lattes. And sadly, oh so sadly, I am the latter.

I don't like coffee. When I say, I really need some coffee, what I mean is, I really want a latte. Don't be confused. When you are drinking coffee I might say, "Wow, your coffee looks great." But that is only because you look so cool. 

Jan pretty much always looks cool, but she looks PARTICULARLY cool when she drinks her iced coffee. As a side note, Jan also has fixed our bathroom doorknob about 9 times. Which only further proves my point about coffee drinkers and their work ethic.

When my Hetero and I worked about 10 feet from each other (Dickens was thinking of this specific year when he wrote, "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Yeah, that's right. Eff you, Pip. And yes, I know that quote is from Tale of Two Cities not Great Expectations, but how often does a person get to flip Pip the bird?) we got lattes everyday (Biggest. Waste of Money. Ever.). Now, Penny is one of those miraculous people who loves lattes AND coffee. This is why she is my hetero. She is COMPLEX. 

Are there lattes in those red cups? Maybe...

Anywho, we would get lattes every day, and usually one of us would cry. Mostly about work. And then we would go to Dunkin Donuts and get these
which at one point was only 3 Weight Watchers points, but one day, mysteriously, ballooned up to 7. I want to know what exactly they changed about the donut that doubled its caloric value. So this donut was $0.79. But everytime we got a latte, it was probably $4.00. Cause Penny and I are both lactose intolerant and had to drink soy milk. And then, in order to save the environment, we had to get matching reusable travel mugs. I mean we HAD to. TO SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT. We gave so much freaking money to Starbucks I'm pretty sure the two of us singlehandedly paid the salary of our favorite Barista, Doug, whom we affectionately called, Douggles. 

Also, Penny made me a special Starbucks card. 

It says, "Coffee Breaks are like a day at the beach."

So what is the point of all this, you ask? 

I love lattes. I also love fruity girl drinks that taste nothing like alcohol, small dogs that fit in purses, poofy skirts, sparkles, the color pink, and holding hands. And yes, I wasted a lot of money at Starbucks, but hanging out with my hetero for 30 minutes a day every weekday, was worth it. 

That is all.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. You have been loving lattes for quite some time now....