Beards

Clearly things have been a bit slower at my job as I have been blogging on a somewhat regular basis. This is nice. But today I have some of the worst neck pain I've ever had in my whole life. This is not so nice. Now I suppose there is the possibility that it might not be that bad (considering that I am not only terribly melodramatic but am also a pain wimp), but, no lie, guys, I think I might die. I think my neck is just going to give out and my head is going to flop to one side, lifeless, like Nearly Headless Nick (Sir Nicholas de Mimsy Porpington) a la Harry Potter. NO EXAGERRATION I am pretty sure my whole body is going to implode with pain and I will be a human puddle on the floor like when that Senator guy turned to water in X-Men. Or was it X-Men 2? One of the not-lame ones.

But you know what cheers me up? Beards.

Nick Offerman is actually encouraging men of America to grow beards. BECAUSE HE LOVES ME. Well, that and he is trying to get people to save water. 

 

Zac Galafinakis is pretty much my boyfriend. I am convinced that if we met in real life we would fall in love instantaneously. His beard is SUPER TASTY. And he's chunky. Which is KIND OF my thing. 

But enough glorious celebrity beards.

This is friend Jon. We met in High School. Is he really sleeping in this photo? Who cares. LOOK AT THAT BEARD. And the sleeping puppy which I want to consume it's so adorable. But mostly the beard. When I see Jon's beard on the facebook I have hope for humanity because beards that glorious can exist in real life. In San Diego life sadly, but still, San Diego is Real. Kind of. Except for the perpetual sunshine. And all the attractive people. And the amazing beaches. And that delicious beard which I maintain should only exist in the stuff of fairy tales.

This is not even a photo of the beard in all its glory. I mean, it's GOOD. Not only is that beard great, but the man sporting it is KIND OF awesome. And the woman he is marrying but a week from Saturday is kind of the coolest, kindest human being to walk the earth.

Did you just die of awesome? It's okay. I do pretty much every time I look at the two of them, let alone what happens when I'm in the same room as them. It's similar to the X-men (2?) water thing mentioned above only,  you guessed it, more awesome.

Is he taking a crap is this picture? Who knows. My brother is a remarkably complex man. But he has a SUWEET beard. It's super curly. And also it's attached to Allie. Which makes it the coolest beard ever. Cause my brother is the coolest. If any of you out there think YOUR brother is the coolest... sorry. You are wrong. Like dead wrong. Like I'll punch you in your face wrong. My brother is to life what the T-Rex is to dinosaurs. DOMINATION, MY FRIENDS.

Okay, that's it. I am off to shop for a new pillow so my neck won't hurt so bad. Maybe, if I get a nice enough pillow I'll be happy like this

though it's doubtful. I think the only way I could really be that happy would be if I could wake up to this every day.

Seriously. Why are we not in love.