Saturday, October 13, 2012

Things Deb Doesn't Love: Internet D-Bags

Well guys, it's Saturday morning, and I am at work. I've gotten up at 5:45am for the past 3 days, I have been working pretty much non-stop for a month on a conference that ends today, and while checking my email this morning received a message from a dude on OkCupid. This happens every now and then. I have an active profile on the site mostly so that I can tell those who suggest online dating to me that I am "trying," even if I am not trying very hard. I thought it would be just another generic email, "You look fun, let's get a drink." But this one was special.

It read, "Look at your pictures - do you see why your single?"

Um, really? You are going to send me grammatically incorrect hate mail on okcupid? ON A DATING SITE? I was blown away. I still am. At first I felt hurt. Then confused. Why would a perfect stranger* want to insult me on the internet? Did he think he was offering a piece of helpful advice? What did he mean look at my pictures? Is he making reference to my fatness? Or my curly hair? Or the fact that I look (and am) vaguely Lebanese?

Normally I would try to let this go. I would try to be the bigger person. I would try to "ignore" him while actually internalizing the message of shame. And then I would feel ashamed. Of my body. Of myself.

Not this time, douchebag.

I responded with the following message:

"If you have nothing better to do than send messages like this, I could ask you the same thing, asshole.

And for the record, I love all those pictures.

Also, fuck you."

And because I DO love all those pictures, here they are.

Don't I look fun and cute and fat and attractive and awesome and, most importantly, LIKE MYSELF?

I thought so. 

*This guy's username is de8jr333. So if you happen to be on OkCupid and come across his profile, maybe you should give him some constructive criticism on what he, a perfect stranger, could do to be less single. Cause apparently, according to him, that's an appropriate thing to do.


  1. I wish to god I still had an OKCupid account so I could go be like, "Well, I WOULD ask you if you wanna get a drink sometime, but then I realized I could run into someone I know and LOOK AT YOU."




    Take a gander at his one and only photo -


    Seriously, I feel like the entire cast of Jersey Shore just walked over my grave.

  3. What an ass! And you are a goddess - as always. :-) I'm moving to your neighborhood! We must see each other soon. Especially because those pictures remind me how much I miss seeing you. :-)

  4. So, I took koloratur's advice and looked at his one and only photo.

    When you have a pencil thin goatee, you don't really get to say anything about anyone...ever. Also, what man IN THEIR RIGHT MIND wears a gold chain exposed in the sun?! All of that gold plating (because, let's face it---that shit ain't real) is probably seeping in to his body and making him a ridiculous shell of a person.

    ALSO, that filter---thank God he finally downloaded a photo manipulator on his phone. 2009 called, asshole, they want their shitty filters back.

  5. I love you, Deborah, and de8jr333 in Braintree has messed with the wrong woman.

  6. Dear de8jr333,

    There should be a place in my utility closet for you because you are a GIGANTIC TOOL. But it would seem you have absolutely no use, and I don't have room for useless garbage in my closet.

    You're on that site to be nice to ladies so they'll maybe want to get to know you better.