Woody's Grill and Tap

So, I moved to Boston in 2004 to attend the Boston Conservatory (of Ass). No lie, I hate that fucking place. But it was worth it to give them slightly less than a billion dollars in order to meet some of my favorite and specialist people in all the world.

My Soul Twin

My Biscuit

My Jan

Well, tonight the four of us are meeting at our old grad school stomping ground, Woody's Grill and Tap.

Woody's was the first place I ever drank green beer. It was in the alley of Woody's where I first smoked some "funny stuff" (as Dee would say). It was walking home from Woody's where I first realized that when I drink too much I fall over. Oh the memories.

Drunk Memory 1:

 So we had to be in choir in grad school, and because I was KIND OF a diva (can you imagine it? Me self-centered and dramatic?) I kind of hated it. So the night of one of our concerts I got all dolled up and met some friends for pre-concert drinks (4 drinks to be specific). When I stopped by my house to pick up my music, I thought, "I'm not wearing enough teal eye shadow." So I put on more. This was the result.

HOT.

Drunk Memory 2:

My first year at Tanglewood my dear friend Gretchen was a piano teacher at BUTI. One night, we walked from her house to a local bar, got plastered and then walked back. On our way back we laid on a stranger's lawn because the stars were just so beautiful and quoted the e.e. cummings poem "i carry your heart" ("this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart"). Then we went back to her house, and I fell asleep in her bed. I had a dream that I was in a very ornate bathroom in a Chinese garden. The bathroom was painted red, and there were ferns everywhere. I REALLY had to pee, but I just couldn't. When I finally did, I woke up and realized I was peeing myself. In my friends bed. Great. Luckily, I didn't pee very much. It only got on me, not on her bed. Is this too much information? Probably.

There is no picture to accompany this story. You're welcome.

Drunk Memory 3:

When we would get drunk, my friend Joel would always try to make out with me because it made me so amazingly uncomfortable. He would also speak to me in Italian. If I was as smart then as I am now, I would've just called his bluff and made out with him, but alas. Live and learn.

To bring it full circle, grad school was not any less fun because I can't remember half of it. And though I don't drink hardly at all anymore, I am glad I got to get drunk and stupid while I could. I am also glad that, bearing in mind all the ridiculously stupid things I did while drunk, Soul Twin, Biscuit and My Jan are still my friends.

Holla, bitches!

Hot Pink Tights

Well, hello. 

It's been a while. And whose fault is that? I could blame this man for actually having me do work during the day.

But mostly it was this that was occupying most of my time.

And a lot of this...

BUT! I am back. And I love MORE. THINGS. THAN. EVER.

So, it's fall again. We bypassed most of spring and all of summer and it's fall. Lucky for me that according to the retail calendar is actually summer, so lots of glorious fall apparel is on sale. Hence my 5 DOLLAR PAIR OF PINK TIGHTS.

This picture does not exaggerate. That is how pink my tights are. They are so beautiful that I wish I were more flexible so I could lick my own legs. That sounds strange, but I don't care. If there were a candy as delicious as the color of these freaking tights I would eat it every day of my life. I am pretty sure that this pink is the color of my soul. I am pretty sure that anyone who sees me wearing these pink tights today will have their lives changed by their glory. 

There is only one problem with these tights.

There are two things I really hate in the world.

1. Spanx. 

I would rather be lumpy than have to wear those fucking things. Every time I wear them I take them off in 30 minutes. Because who wants their insides squashed by super tight elastic? NO ONE. Bring on the cellulite. Bring on the back fat. A misogynistic jerkwad invented Spanx and I refuse to ever give that jerkwad a penny of my money ever again.

2. Control Top pantyhose. 

They're like Spanx with feets. Somebody kill me. And yes, my hot pink tights have control top. Which annoys me. But I stretched them out this morning before putting them on and am hoping if I wear them long enough they will cease to control my top. MY TOP WANTS TO BE FREE.

As a side note, today I drank two large cups of coffee. My hands and eyeballs are shaking.

The. End.

Resolutions

 When I googled "New Years" to try to find an appropriately festive picture, this is the BS that came up. The idea that the only resolution worth making on January 1 is to "measure" yourself and then, appropriately, eat apples. I like apples it's true. With Organic Peanut Butter. On some delicious, fresh, sprouted-grain toast. 

Heaven.

But I am not talking about weight loss, or any sort of dietary restrictions or bodily alteration (I ate a whole package of Newman-O's on New Years Day. With some Almond Milk. They. Were. Delicious.) I am not even really talking about the idea that on January 1 we get to have a clean slate, because to be honest there is no real freaking difference between 11:59pm on December 31 and 12:01am on January 1. What I am talking about is the idea that, at any moment, we can resolve ourselves to change, to be better. Some things feel beyond our control. 

Like Cake.

But I can make the decision to really enjoy that cake, to really enjoy the process of life, to really enjoy the full movement of my limbs, and to feel grateful for my health. Because not everyone has that. And I should be taking advantage of it. I am not judging those of you who measure and then eat apples. I am just saying, we want to lose weight because we think we will look better, be happier, right? And maybe weight loss will do that.

But what if we just resolved to do things that brought us joy. To really, consciously enjoy food, walks, dancing, sex, the company of our loved ones, sunshine and puppy dogs and rainbows and all that crap.

This year I plan to fully and consciously enjoy the following: my Hetero's numerous 30th birthday celebrations, the weddings of two of the BEST COUPLES EVER,  Manchego Cheese, pole dancing, flannel sheets, spending whole days in my pajamas, getting a dog, playing with said dog.

So instead of the tape measurer and the apple, I'm going with this:

Holla. Atcha. Gurl.

So Many Things to Love, Part 1

So, this morning, while walking to work in the 19 (feels like -1) degree weather, I started thinking about last year. Last September, as I'm sure most of you know, I was laid off from my job and spent the winter of 2009-2010 unemployed. And I'm not gonna lie to you, it was great. On days when it felt like -1 degrees outside I would just stay in. Or go do some Forrest Yoga where I would sweat my face off, and then come home, shower, and take a nap. Or I would go babysit and get to cuddle with a little schmunkin like this dude...

COOPER!!!!!!!!!! I miss you so.

I know for most people being unemployed is/was terrible. But for me, it was heaven. But here's the thing, I remembered while getting on the T: I am grateful to have a job. I am grateful to have a place to go where it is warm and where I am not unhappy. I am grateful I don't hate my boss like I did at all my other jobs. I am grateful that I can work and be paid for it. Because we all have to have jobs. Some of us get to have jobs we love, and some of us are administrators, but the thing is we have to work. And wouldn't it be great if I could magically make a full time salary while sitting around in my bed taking naps? 

Well, duh. 

But it isn't going to happen.

So, the point is I feel glad today at the place I am at in my life. Which is a much different feeling then I had a couple months ago. My jobs pays for me (and my therapy), and I have been blessed with being loved by a plethora of people who I respect and cherish. People who I love so much sometimes I feel moved to tears. People with whom I can communicate freely, and people who find my over-abundance of feelings charming (or so I hope), instead of slightly annoying and melo-dramatic as others might.And I suppose I do wish there were some additions to my life, but I don't think I would give up anything I have now to have the new things.

So it's the Holidays or whatever. And one of the things I love is making lists. So what I would like to do right now is make a list of all the things I feel grateful for during this holiday season, even if I think the idea that we should only be grateful for things during the holidays is lamesauce concentrate.

Here goes...

1. My Mom, Dad and Brother

2. My peops (DUH)

3. Dogs (especially Admiral Reginald Wigglesworth, who will be mine next year)

 

4. French Toast (with lots of butter and minimal syrup)

5. The Muppets (especially Gonzo)

6. Summer (specifically nights spent on porches)

7. Hipster music (and Kanye too)

8. My health (and all my present and working limbs)

9. Down Blankets (that you wrap around you like a burrito)

10. The Office (cause that show is just sweet)

11. Dancing on dance floors when nobody else is dancing (usually with Haimisch or PenPen)

12. Dancing to 80s music in Dee and Heather's house at Dee's b-day party with Mologna and Dee and EQ

13. Dancing until my feet hurt at Whits' Wedding

14. Random gifts given just because

15. Fleece-lined hoodies (I don't own one, but someday...)

16. The fingerless glove mitten things

15. My iPhone (because it is the one thing in life that is as awesome as it is advertised to be)

16. Hugs

17. Hugs

18. Hugs

19. My job (see above)

 20. Burdicks Hot Cocoa (liquid chocolate FTW)

21. Lunches with EJB (best part of number 19)

22. Hand Lotion (I have a cracked knuckle on my thumb)

23. Fingertip bandaids (Cause it's hard to get regular band aids to stay on your fingertip)

24. Groupons 

25. Indian Food

That's all I got.

Well... for now anyway.

Brussel Sprouts

Hi friends. It's been a while. I could waste time apologizing but I have too many feelings for that.

Oh man. Even looking at them makes me salivate. You cut those babies in half, olive oil, garlic, sea salt, roast that crap in the oven, DONE. Last night my friend Nicole (Empress of All Things Awesome) made two large dishes of brussel sprouts. I almost pooped my pants I was so happy. And she sent me home with some of those little nuggets of joy.

Since it's been a while, I would also like to share that I love this man:

OK. So he's a douchebag. But I can't stop listening to his new album. I actually think it has improved my self-esteem to listen to it, because sometimes, while listening to it, I imagine I am black and that has always been my dream. I maintain I was born the incorrect race. So, while listening to the album I imagine I am black and that makes me feel better about myself.

 While I'm on the subject of being awesome and African-American I'd like to discuss this woman:

She is the best singer on Glee. Yeah, Rachel is good. But Mercedes is better. And she has gotten the SHAFT this season. She sang that Florence + the Machine song this week (which, BTW, if I had a blog of things I thought were all right but felt slightly indifferent towards Florence + the Machine would be featured) but come on! Give the girl something she can sing that crap out of, for Christ's sake.

Also, what's with her not getting a boyfriend when EVERY OTHER GIRL on the show has one? I think Ryan Murphy is a size-ist. I think Mercedes doesn't have a boyfriend because she is big. But this blog is not called, "Things that Piss me the F*** Off." This blog is not called "Rant about TV shows that I love cause they have singing and dancing and in the first season were awesome but now are slightly mediocre and are terribly written and have plots that make no sense." This blog is about things I love.

So I will end on a happy note.

The Empress of all Things Awesome got a pole in her apartment. Like a pole-dancing pole. And she swings around it like a sexy monkey. And when my shoulder gets better, I am going to learn how to swing around it like a sexy monkey too. And then I am going to invite Mercedes to come swing around the pole with me. And Dee's manatees. And Dee and Heather in their wetsuits. And we are going to have a sexy monkey party. And Nicole aka the Empress of all Things Awesome will make us all Brussel Sprouts.

IT HAS COME FULL CIRCLE.

Lattes

Real people drink coffee. People who have jobs and contribute to society. People who don't have trouble waking up before the sun comes up. People who know how to change tires and fix the dryer. People who don't giggle at the work "caulk." People who really just like flavored milk drink lattes. People who like to waste money going to Starbucks, Peets or City Feed and purchasing a $4 drink, they drink lattes. And sadly, oh so sadly, I am the latter.

I don't like coffee. When I say, I really need some coffee, what I mean is, I really want a latte. Don't be confused. When you are drinking coffee I might say, "Wow, your coffee looks great." But that is only because you look so cool. 

Jan pretty much always looks cool, but she looks PARTICULARLY cool when she drinks her iced coffee. As a side note, Jan also has fixed our bathroom doorknob about 9 times. Which only further proves my point about coffee drinkers and their work ethic.

When my Hetero and I worked about 10 feet from each other (Dickens was thinking of this specific year when he wrote, "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Yeah, that's right. Eff you, Pip. And yes, I know that quote is from Tale of Two Cities not Great Expectations, but how often does a person get to flip Pip the bird?) we got lattes everyday (Biggest. Waste of Money. Ever.). Now, Penny is one of those miraculous people who loves lattes AND coffee. This is why she is my hetero. She is COMPLEX. 

Are there lattes in those red cups? Maybe...

Anywho, we would get lattes every day, and usually one of us would cry. Mostly about work. And then we would go to Dunkin Donuts and get these

which at one point was only 3 Weight Watchers points, but one day, mysteriously, ballooned up to 7. I want to know what exactly they changed about the donut that doubled its caloric value. So this donut was $0.79. But everytime we got a latte, it was probably $4.00. Cause Penny and I are both lactose intolerant and had to drink soy milk. And then, in order to save the environment, we had to get matching reusable travel mugs. I mean we HAD to. TO SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT. We gave so much freaking money to Starbucks I'm pretty sure the two of us singlehandedly paid the salary of our favorite Barista, Doug, whom we affectionately called, Douggles. 

Also, Penny made me a special Starbucks card. 

It says, "Coffee Breaks are like a day at the beach."

So what is the point of all this, you ask? 

I love lattes. I also love fruity girl drinks that taste nothing like alcohol, small dogs that fit in purses, poofy skirts, sparkles, the color pink, and holding hands. And yes, I wasted a lot of money at Starbucks, but hanging out with my hetero for 30 minutes a day every weekday, was worth it. 

That is all.

Diane

So, Dee has a blog. And I have been enjoying reading it so intensely that I wanted to broadcast how great it is here on my blog.  But mostly I wanted an excuse to talk about Dee and how great she is and tell the story of our love and post a plethora of great and terrible photos and tell the world of all the wonderfulness she has brought into my life.

 Diane and I first met at this place.

 

If I got anything out of working at BU, it was meeting the following people:

 

What you see right here is me surrounded by the 3 of the best friends I have ever had in my whole life. That is why I am smiling like an idiot and my hair is sticking out in random directions. Sometimes, when I am feeling great love it does that.

But back to Diane. So one magical night before our first summer at Tanglewood, we all went out drinking. Here is a photo from that night.

About 5 minutes after this photo was taken we, along with the other 15 people at our table, started doing Tequilla shots. We were wasted. I mean SO WASTED. And then Diane tried to make out with me. And then felt so bad that the next morning she called me and apologized. Because we were going to be living in the same house at Tanglewood and she didn't want it to be awkward. Which it never was. Cause Dee is so awesome. And I remember after hanging up with her, saying outloud, "Man, Diane is awesome." Cause she is. Awesome.

More favorite Diane memories. 

At one point I got in trouble at work and my boss told me she was watching me and taking notes on my behavior to make sure I didn't over socialize. So everytime Diane would walk by my desk, she would stop, look at me, and write something down on a yellow piece of paper. At the end of the day, she handed me the piece of paper. It said, "I love you" with a smiley face.

A couple months ago in the car, Diane and I had an operatic conversation. Meaning, we sang everything we would have said operatically. It was one of the best moments of my life. When I first met Dee she said she couldn't sing, cause if she did sing puppies would die. She was wrong though. Cause that day in the car, I'm pretty sure angels got their wings.

My future favorite Diane moments

When she marries this lady

 

GOD I LOVE THEM.

Okay. Picture time.

 This is Dee and me at Whitney's wedding. I think I am admiring her super sweet rack, which you might find strange, until you notice just how sweet Dee's rack really is. I mean, seriously... it's OFF THE HOOK.

 This is Dee and me at the Sam Adams brewery. Dee loves beer. She and Heather came to the brewery to meet my mom. My mom is a new beer drinker, and when she told the tour this everyone clapped.

This is Dee and me at Lady Gaga. Her shirt and my hat are from H&M. We went shopping and bought them together with a special person who shall be mentioned later. And then we went and saw Toy Story 3. And Dee loved it.

One more thing I love about Diane: we cry at movies together. Dee and Heather and I went and saw WallE. Diane and I cried about 50 times.

Now, let's talk about the glorious people I've met because of Dee.

Heather is a given. I am actually convinced that we were destined to be friends and would have found each other in the world somehow, even if she and Diane did not fall in love, but I am beyond stoked things happened the way they did. I am glad that two such glorious people have love and that I get to have two such amazing "moms." And a sister.

Yes, I am aware that is a cat.

This gloriousness here just had a birthday. I think we've only hung out 5 times? I am counting only because each and every time is SO PRECIOUS. At a birthday party a couple weeks, EQ approached me about having a dance off. So we did. Duh.

 I am seeing this wonderousness for coffee this evening. She even wrote out an agenda of things to talk about. I LOVE a good agenda. And my Mologna.

If you are wondering if I cried while writing this blog, I will have you know I did. Because that's how much I love Diane. I am hoping she doesn't get creeped out by this.