It read, "Look at your pictures - do you see why your single?"
Um, really? You are going to send me grammatically incorrect hate mail on okcupid? ON A DATING SITE? I was blown away. I still am. At first I felt hurt. Then confused. Why would a perfect stranger* want to insult me on the internet? Did he think he was offering a piece of helpful advice? What did he mean look at my pictures? Is he making reference to my fatness? Or my curly hair? Or the fact that I look (and am) vaguely Lebanese?
Normally I would try to let this go. I would try to be the bigger person. I would try to "ignore" him while actually internalizing the message of shame. And then I would feel ashamed. Of my body. Of myself.
Not this time, douchebag.
I responded with the following message:
"If you have nothing better to do than send messages like this, I could ask you the same thing, asshole.
And for the record, I love all those pictures.
Also, fuck you."
And because I DO love all those pictures, here they are.
Don't I look fun and cute and fat and attractive and awesome and, most importantly, LIKE MYSELF?
I thought so.
I wish to god I still had an OKCupid account so I could go be like, "Well, I WOULD ask you if you wanna get a drink sometime, but then I realized I could run into someone I know and LOOK AT YOU."
ReplyDeleteFucktard.
Love,
Morgan
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/de8jr333/photos
ReplyDeleteTake a gander at his one and only photo -
DOUCHE.CHILLS.
Seriously, I feel like the entire cast of Jersey Shore just walked over my grave.
What an ass! And you are a goddess - as always. :-) I'm moving to your neighborhood! We must see each other soon. Especially because those pictures remind me how much I miss seeing you. :-)
ReplyDeleteSo, I took koloratur's advice and looked at his one and only photo.
ReplyDeleteWhen you have a pencil thin goatee, you don't really get to say anything about anyone...ever. Also, what man IN THEIR RIGHT MIND wears a gold chain exposed in the sun?! All of that gold plating (because, let's face it---that shit ain't real) is probably seeping in to his body and making him a ridiculous shell of a person.
ALSO, that filter---thank God he finally downloaded a photo manipulator on his phone. 2009 called, asshole, they want their shitty filters back.
I love you, Deborah, and de8jr333 in Braintree has messed with the wrong woman.
ReplyDeleteDear de8jr333,
ReplyDeleteThere should be a place in my utility closet for you because you are a GIGANTIC TOOL. But it would seem you have absolutely no use, and I don't have room for useless garbage in my closet.
Also, INTERNET DATING: UR DOIN IT WROOOONG.
You're on that site to be nice to ladies so they'll maybe want to get to know you better.
I HOPE NOBODY WANTS TO KNOW YOU, YOU SAD LITTLE MAN.